There are many things in life that are inconsistent, burdensome, chaotic, unpredictable.... Our adoption being the most obvious in our families life. We have been going through the adoption process now for 17 months and if there is one thing we have learned through this journey it is that adoption is an emotional roller coaster. In the past three months we have been given hope by our adoption agency of potential referrals and received two phone calls from individuals inquiring of our interest in adopting a family members unborn child. All occasions created an excitement and hope that it was happening...we were going to become parents. Unfortunately, that was not the case. It seemed like for every positive emotion that we could feel about the potential of becoming parents a rush of a hundred negative emotions were soon to follow... Anger... frustration...discouragement... brokenness...fear...anxiety...impatience... I could only wonder if we were doing something wrong. Like, is this a punishment?? Are we not seeking the Lord?? Are we not prayerful enough?? Do we need to do more?? In the midst of these questions God did what he seems to do through the redemptive history of his people. He reminded me of His faithfulness and His promises. God brought me to the realization that we are where He has us and there is no better place for us to be. The rush of emotions that we felt about our journey through the adoption were mostly due to selfish desires for control and impatience. I want it in my hands and in my time...Just like Adam did in the garden. Just like Adam, if this is in my hands and in my time it will surely fall to pieces.
I recently read the story of Abraham and Sarah. Every adoptive family should read it! Abraham reminds me of myself. He was caught up in fear, impatience and control. He lost sight of the Lord's promise that his wife would give birth to a son. He and Sarah acted on impulse on more than one occasion. It is crazy to read a story in the bible that took place thousands of years ago and to know that people still have the same struggles now that they did then. Mainly, the struggle to be god in our own lives. I love how God brings us back to Him. He allowed me to be like Abraham and try to put our adoption on my shoulders only to remind me that I cannot handle the load, but He can. Today I read in 1 Peter and was overwhelmed by Gods word. In 1 Peter 1:3-7 Peter says this, "Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! According to his great mercy, he has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, to an inheritance that is imperishable, undefiled, and unfading, kept in heaven for you, who by God's power are being guarded through faith for a salvation ready to be revealed in the last time. In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials, so that the tested genuineness of your faith-more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire-may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ.". In this you rejoice... What a sweet reminder from God. It is not the adoption process that we rejoice in...It is not the hopeful phone call from our adoption agency we rejoice in...It is not the excitement of being parents that we rejoice in...We cannot rejoice in these things because these things are not worth rejoicing in comparison with our salvation in the redemptive work of Jesus Christ. Don't get me wrong...There will be A LOT of rejoicing in the Linke home when we hold that baby, but that is not where our hope comes from. It took 20 years for God to be gracious enough to draw me to Himself. It will take two years for us to bring our child home, but it will happen in His time. His time is good because he is faithful. He knows what is best for us.
Father, you are good. You have proven through history to be merciful and gracious. You have shown your faithfulness! Give us the faith to trust you and a desire to seek you. Remind us of our hope in you and the promise you kept in salvation. We pray that you would bring our child home and that you would continue to allow this adoption to give you glory! All things go through your sovereign hands and in this we will rejoice...
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